I went to the doctor this morning and changed my anti-depressants. I will be interested to see how I get on with the new ones. I know I am not the only person who has suffered from anti-depressant libido suppression and not even the only one taking part in 30 Date Orgasm Fun. But it was a massive disappointment to me that I didn’t come yesterday as a club, with my male lover, watched by two gorgeous dominant women who cropped and flogged him into greater efforts and kissed me in between. It was a gloriously sexy scenario I dreamt up for Day 29, a mix of rough sex, BDSM and exhibitionism. But my libido wouldn’t play ball.
Tonight, I will round the month off with a solo sex session. I may even fantasise about yesterday as I play with myself, for often the fantasy is better than the reality. But I will not try too hard ( maybe the problem yesterday) and be kind to myself. I haven’t had a lot of orgasms but those I have had have been mind-blowingly good. So fingers crossed.
So what have I learnt?
I have learnt that my body is beautiful, just as it is although It could be made more beautiful ( and will be!)
Sexual partners (and prospective sexual partners) find my body beautiful.
Sex toys designed for cisgendered women can work for me with a little imagination. More on this to follow in future blogs.
Sexuality is much more in the head than in the genitals.
Following on from that my sexuality is a driving force in much that I do, including in inter personal relationships Sexuality in fact is at the very core of my being (which is why I am here!)
I am loved and have a lot of love to give that those who love me (whether sexually or otherwise) .
Orgasms are therapeutic.
However dark the place I am in at any particular moment, there is always a way out.
Tabitha, thank you so much for coming up with this awesome idea. This was my first year and I have learnt so much about myself. And that, at 56, is a wonderful thing to be able to say.