Dreaming

“Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.”

I have been reading a lot about how people have been having vivid, even disturbing, dreams during this period of lockdowns and restrictions. I have had my share too, most recently, finding myself in Australia with no money and a hotel bill to pay. I knew I had money in my savings account, lots of it, but I could only transfer this to my current account by actually going into the building society branch in England. And I had no money to go back to England to get the money I needed to eat and have a place to sleep in Australia. I was marooned. I woke up, sweating and shaking at 4 am. And not in Australia! And this is far from my weirdest dream.

None of these dreams, however, has been about sex or, for that matter, kink. I have, instead, daydreamed about these pretty much constantly. having taken a break from the kink sense for mental health reasons last winter, and my planned return having been unavoidably delayed, it is a year since I last played. Sex, too, has not been part of my bodily life for a while either. But kink and sex remain integral to my life. They have migrated into my head and I dream aboit them.

I have written a lot of stories both on this blog and elsewhere and these stories have drawn more directly on my own past than anything I have written before. They have been both therapy and catharsis. They have also served to draw a line under aspects of my past, a clearing of the decks for 2021.

And I am dreaming of the future now, of what I will do when fetish clubs open, when sexual partners emerge from the COVID darkness into the light of the new world I have dreamt for them. My dreaming has been a long course in self understanding, and most definitely a guide to action. Come 2021 I will be a better lover, a more attentive domme, (though possibly a mote sadistic one). But my dreams are only part of the plan. The rest we do together, and I look forward to being taken into the dreamworlds of subs, play partners, of lovers.

A post for Quote Quest. Click on the badge below to see the dreams of others.

QuoteQuest

A Load of Balls – The U -Turn on Gender Recognition

At the end of what has been a pretty traumatic week for transgender people came the news that most of us had been expecting but still hoping not to hear. This was the announcement that the Government will not be proceeding with plans to amend the Gender Recognition Act to permit self-declaration (as has been permitted in the Republic of Ireland since 2015) despite this having been the policy of previous Conservative administrations (it was originally put forward by the then Equalities Minister Maria Miller, and despite the results of a consultation being largely in favour. The Government has come up with the odd justification that the result was skewed by lots of pro trans gender groups submitting favourable responses. By the same logic one might argue that the result of the 2019 General Election was skewed by lots of people voting Conservative but logic and consistency is not something populists go in for.

For populist is what the Conservative Party now is. It wasn’t always this way. Just fifteen years ago David Cameron became party leader and set out to remodel the party as fiscally conservative and pro-business but socially liberal. The intake of Conservative MPs at the elections of 2005 and 2010 included a number of LGBT people who went on to hold ministerial office, such as Justine Greening, Margot James and Nick Boles. That was before Brexit swung the party in a populist direction and pragmatic, centrist Tories were purged.

With populism come culture wars. And this is what we now have. An internal Conservative Party paper leaked before the General Election suggested using attacks on trans rights as a means of gaining support with socially conservative working class voters, so no one should be surprised by what is happening now. There have been press reports about the Government legislating to protect single sex spaces and this raises the prospect of US style bathroom bans being brought in.  Some transwomen I know are desperately worried.

I just want to consider what a bathroom ban could mean in practice.  It has been suggested that it could apply to “male bodied” transwomen.  Female bodied transmen don’t get a look in, they have been airbrushed out yet again although their presence raises issues that neither the Government nor the noisy and unrepresentative trans-exclusionary radical feminists seem to have considered. But let us stay with transwomen for the moment. What does it actually mean for a transwoman to be male bodied? It can’t just be about surgery because a transwoman who has been taking hormones for an extended period will have a number of characteristics that males do not, notably breasts (plumbed in in exactly the same way as cis female breasts), but also softer skin and hair. After a while the male genitalia even cease to work in the way they used to. And at what point does a transwoman taking hormones cease to be male bodied? How big would her breasts have to be? What testosterone level would she need to be under? These are not debating points if legal definitions of male bodied are to be made.

In practice it is impossible to produce a coherent and consistent definition of male bodied in respect of transwomen. So the fall back will be, I am sure, genitalia, which is effectively saying that women are nothing more or less than vaginas on legs, (a slightly odd position for feminists to be taking). And how could such a ban be policed except by requiring all users of the ladies bathroom (the vast majority of whom of course are cisgendered women) to submit to intrusive questioning or worse. In the US states that have bathroom bans cisgendered woman have been among the victims, humiliated and thrown out for not looking “feminine” enough. The alleged protection of women becomes a means of policing their bodies. It usually does and it is, at first sight, astonishing that women who call them feminists can make common cause with religious conservatives and populist politicians, common cause with people who seek to attack women’s demands for bodily autonomy and reproductive rights. But then few things that radical feminists do surprise me anymore.

And what about the transmen happily using the Gents? Are they to be forced to use the ladies? They  will not be put in danger by this is the way that transwomen being forced to use the gents will, but  will women be necessarily happy to share a bathroom with someone with  male characteristics, a deep voice, possibly a beard, their body bulked up by years of taking testosterone?

However this policy shift is framed, it should be clear that trans rights are the thin end of the wedge. If existing gains for transpeople can be reversed so easily by populist governments, (and Hungary is the most egregious example, the stripping of trans rights the work of a man who also thinks that Hungarian women should be having more babies) , so can gains for women and gains for the rest of the LGBT+ community. I well remember Margaret Thatcher’s chilling speech to the Conservative Party conference in 1987 when she told delegates that there was “no inalienable right to be gay.” Section 28 became law the following year. If we don’t want to go back to those dark days we need to fight now, all of us together. Fight for your trans brothers and sisters, as they have fought for you.

Vile Bodies

No, not mine, and not necessarily yours. After three months without physical contact I have lost interest in other bodies. I used to love the feel of another’s skin, the stubble of a man brushing against my cheek as I kissed him, the smell of arousal, even the aroma of sweat as I made love on a muggy evening, the taste of a bell end glistening with pre-come as I took it into my mouth, the musk of a cunt, juicy with arousal, the joy of burying my face in lush pubic hair as I go down on her, the feel of her tongue against my finger as she licks her juice.

All these things I have enjoyed, and my body in turn has given pleasure to my lovers. And yet it all seems so long ago, no more real than  the smut I read, the stories I write. The stories. I have moved my sex life into my head, I write and write and write, not always for publication, but always to get off, to experience the orgasms that come from the mind, to make sense of all those bodies and the things I did with them, before everything is lost.

I am used to this now. The urge to write is irresistible, I fear the bodies, imperfect as mine is imperfect, sweaty as mine is sweaty, sagging as mine sags, that will come between me and my imagination. I think them vile, I push them away. But I cannot do this for ever.  My lover today sent me a picture of his cock, as yet untasted by me. But taste it I will, for I must. It took me decades to love my body, nearly as long to love the bodies of others. The language of these bodies is another language, once foreign, still not entirely familiar. I cannot afford to forget it.

SoSS May

So onto May and we have remained in lockdown. I have become completely used to it. I have my routine, I have my runs, I have my weekly Zoom chat with the Proud Baggies (and doesn’t football seem so long ago now!) and I have almost stopped missing the pub. As for sex, well that means solo sex for the foreseeable future although having to take a break from the ongoing whirl of life had given me valuable time to pause, reflect, and mine my memories. And I have had some amazing fantasies, some of which have made their way into stories on this blog.

Then there are the blogs I read. Here are links to some posts that I have particularly enjoyed. Until a few weeks ago when I heard the words PPE I thought of the Politics, Philosophy and Economics degree course at Oxford (the Health Secretary is a PPE graduate curiously enough) but now I associate it with the battle against COVID-19 and the scandalous lack of it (it is not as if viral pandemics are something unexpected – we didn’t know exactly when they would happen but knew that they WOULD happen, and a pandemic of a new RNA virus was being predicted back in 2018, so we should have been better prepared). As many of you will know,  The Other Livvy is a doctor in her other life, working on the COVID frontline, and she posted this for the first Sinful Sunday of the month.

I am currently working on a boarding school story with Posy Churchgate who actually went to boarding school and is teaching me a load of things about school life that I cauld never have guessed at (despite avidly reading the Jennings books by Anthony Buckeridge oh so many years ago). Her boarding school years figure in this reflection on one of her favourite songs (one of mine too) and what it means to her,

I was in London at the tailend of that eerie weekend that would have been the Eroticon  weekend. I ate in restaurants, went to pubs, hugged people. I didn’t get the virus which, as we now know,  was rampaging through London at that time. Others were not so lucky as Blue Submission describes here. .

Victoria Blisse was moved to write this during the lockdown.

Lockdown led to the cancellation of planned fun and frolics with a new lover. We have been messaging each other with tantalising hints of what we might do to each other when we do finally meet up. This is one reason why I enjoyed this by Kristan X

PornHub has been at the centre of controversy about the origin of much of its uploaded content. Girl on the Net uses allegory to explain what the problems with free content sites are.

One of the best things on Sinful Sunday this month was this from Floss Does Life

And yet more poetry- this is a really clever image – haiku on haiku

May More reflects on service here

The thought of being impaled on a fucking machine in a vicarage had enormous appeal, theoretical appeal that is! I have always backed away when presented with the opportunity. But maybe this story from Blue Submission will make me more eager to try next time.

I suppose I was expecting something to cast a spell on me when I saw the title Hexennacht and this piece of supernatural erotica by Lascivious Lucy was a slow burner, But slow burners are often the most satisfying aren’t they?

Most of us bloggers have pseudonyms and, in may cases, alternative selves who enrich our lives. They are actually as real as our legal vanilla selves, and help us to understand and accept who we are.  This, by Alethea Hunt,  really spoke to me.

Objectification and dehumanisation are kinks that I have only begun to get into in the last year or so. ML Slave Puppet shows here the power that a simple hood can have.

And as lockdown drags on I think of those, like me, who are enduring a sexual drought. Exposing 40  is keeping herself busy with her camera to remind herself that she is a sexual person while Starcross writes here about how he and his partner are managing their enforced separation against the background of knowing that their time together is anyway short. I really hope they are able to be together properly again.

It has been a while since I did any outdoor BDSM play. I really have the urge after seeing this really hot image from Honey. I love how the dirt on her feet adds rawness and immediacy to the image and I can just feel the twigs digging into her knees.

I am a qualified accountant in my other life and, many years ago, had to study statistics as part of my qualification. It was interesting to see Statistics as the Wicked Wednesday prompt.  I particularly enjoyed this.

On the subject of outdoor play I enjoyed a birching, well reading about one anyway!

In another life I am a published poet. So I always enjoy a bit of poetry as here by Floss

Meanwhile the boarding school story I am writing in collaboration with Posy Churchgate continues. Post has written Chapter Four which you can read here.

This, another post by ML Slave Puppet discusses  how the S in BDSM doesn’t stand for sex.

And this month’s petrolhead porn is the German Grand Prix of 1938  won by the Englishman Richard Seaman. Seaman is pretty much forgotten these days but in the late 1930s he was the best British racing driver and a member of the Mercedes team. This meant living in Nazi Germany at a time of rising international tension. He was married to  the daughter of the founder of BMW and the couple lived in a villa on the shore of Lake Starnberg near Munich.  This was an idyllic but doomed life as Seaman surely knew. He kept his own counsel on the political questions of the day but faced difficult personal choices should war break out. As it turned out these were choices he never had to make as he was killed in the Belgian Grand Prix at Spa in 1939. He was just 26. There is a new biography of him which I shall be reading during lockdown. And time for reading is one of the few benefits of house arrest.

Letter from a Transplainer

I have never met a trans activist. I have met many trans people some of whom I count among my friends but encounters with trans activists continue to elude me.  I am beginning to wonder whether they actually exist, other than as straw men/women to be knocked down by those radical feminists who have an issue with trans people.

I am going to tell you about two trans people I regard as friends.  Allow me to introduce Helen  and Jake (not their real names)

Helen is in her early 50s and has been living as a woman for 3 years. She is not really political, although she was politicised enough by her experiences to attend her first Pride in London in 2019.  Her main interests are music and vintage fashion. It is through the vintage scene that I know Helen. She is very active on the scene and has a number of close female friends. She is socially well networked, something she could not be without. Her network consists mainly of cisgendered women.

Jake is in  his late 30s. I have known him for nearly 15 years, in other words since before he began his transition. Our shared passion is poetry and it is through poetry that we originally met and became friends. Jake is deeply interested in gender politics and I will always be grateful to him  for persuading me that the impenetrable prose of Judith Butler was worth persevering with. Jake is essentially a loner who doesn’t belong to any scenes. He moved to his current job after staring his transition and his new colleagues do not know that he is transgender. He has a deep voice, a beard and is starting to go thin on top. Once they start taking hormones it is much easier for trans men to pass than it is for women.

Helen and Jake live their lives quietly, keeping their heads below the parapet as far as they can. Nonetheless Jake is angry at the way that people like him have been airbrushed out of the debate on gender issues and their rights threatened by the radical feminist obsession with trans women. What their lives show, above all, is that trans people are not a race apart, they are fully integrated members of society, they are brothers, sisters, friends, and work colleagues. Many of them do not identify themselves predominantly in terms of their transness. The only difference between them and cisgendered people is that a vociferous minority hates them solely for who they are.

Which brings us back to the trans activists. They are part of a radical feminist typology of trans people (more specifically trans women as they mainly appear not to recognize the existence of trans men and non binary people.) This is not a trivial debating point. I am informed by a doctor at the London Gender Identity Clinic that F to M transitions now account for over half of new referrals to the GICs nationwide. And yet the rad fems have been able to get the debate framed solely in terms of alleged threats to the rights of women.

According to them trans women are, to put it crudely, blokes in frocks trying to invade women’s spaces (with a suggestion that they do this to sexually assault women), telling women what to do, bullying lesbians into having sex with them, erasing women’s identity as women, demanding rights that adversely affect women, and much much more.

The rad fems have shown themselves to be organised, articulate and very effective campaigners. One of the most pernicious aspects of their activity is that they have been able to persuade many politicians that they speak for women, all women.

They do not. As Helen’s example shows, lots of women do not have an issue with trans women. Quite the opposite, they have trans friends or rather they don’t. For Helen’s female friends, she is not a trans woman. She is a woman.

The issue of transgender is not, of course, the only area where radical feminists are far away from where most women are. The list of things that many women do, and freely choose to do, and which rad fems disapprove of is quite long. So long, in fact,  that you might think they don’t like women very much.  These include

Being friends with trans women

Engaging in sex work in any form.

Engaging in BDSM. It should be noted that women dominating submissive men is as frowned upon as women submitting to  dominant men. .

Using make up

Wearing heels

Liking fashion

Going to the salon for waxing.

Enjoying or producing porn.

Just a few examples taken from radfem social media. On the fringes it gets loopier still.

I was recently told about an academic at a Midlands university  who is trying to have the student Burlesque Society banned as “burlesque objectifies women for the male gaze.” I can only think that she has never actually been to a burlesque performance and studied the gender composition of the audience

And on the far shores it gets even mote bizarre. So I have heard a rad fem argue that freely available contraception and abortion are bad as they give men “a free pass to penetrate women.” Another has criticised lesbians who enjoy strap on play as this replicates “patriarchal phallocentric sexual practices.”

And then there was the radfem who gave advice to lesbians who suspect that a new partner might be a post-op trans woman. There are, she suggested, ways you can tell from a close inspection of the genitalia, including the angle of the slit to the vertical (different in a surgically created neo-vagina apparently) and the distance from the navel to the clit. This conjures up images of radfem lesbians keeping a tape measure on the bedside table just in case. I am not making this up, believe me.

I think you all get the picture. And I haven’t even mentioned Cathy Brennan. Look her up if you’re interested. I really haven’t got the stomach for saying anything about her anti-trans crusade.

It is hard to avoid concluding that telling women what to do is more important than actually starting where women are and starting the fight for equality from there. The other aspect to this is that their obsession with trans people eclipses the actual struggles of real women, struggles incidentally in which many trans people have been allies.

So it is that they make common cause with both religious fundamentalists and the far right, neither of who have been conspicuous supporters of women’s’ rights. Take, for example, Posie Parker whose concern for women has led her to the US to address meetings sponsored by the anti-abortion Heritage Foundation and who has had the support of Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the far right demagogue better known to his intellectually challenged supporters as  “Tommy Robinson.”  She has also called for trans men to be forcibly sterilised. Parker, like others, spew their hatred and when called out on it, protest that they are only exercising freedom of speech.  A bit like Yaxley-Lennon himself. This is a point I will return to.

Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminism is a cult. It is not radical. Neither is it feminist. It has, however, made the whole issue of transgender rights so toxic that I wonder why people who don’t need to, (some of us have no choice of course), venture into it. Some  cisgendered men do take the plunge. One of the most notorious is Graham Linehan, the creator of Father Ted, who has embarked on a side hustle as trans baiter, seeming oblivious to the fact that his home country has for 5 years had gender self certification without the sky falling in, or indeed without Irish women being erased by the befrocked tranny hordes of rad fem mythology.

Then there was the gay man Jonathan Best who wrote a piece that reads more and more like the founding document of the transphobic LGB Alliance and which I discussed here.

One commonality of their expressed views on transgender is the way in which they have uncritically accepted the most pernicious of all the radical feminist sleights of hand. This is the idea that the trans people they bully are in fact the real bullies.

I am not going to say much about Inigo More’s post, (and I still cannot begin to understand why he felt the need to write it), except that it displays evidence of the same thinking, that there are trans people policing language, denying freedom of speech, ready to cry “transphobe” at anyone using the wrong pronouns. I believe this was an attempt at satire. It fell flat and the themes underlying it are so wearily familiar to anyone who follows the sterile gender debates that it was inevitable that people would react as they have. And he really can’t complain.

I am prepared to entertain the thought that Inigo is not a transphobe and that it was not his intention to mock trans people. That, however, is the effect. Context is everything. I have set out the context in the first few paragraphs of this post. And it is deafness to this context and to the lived experience of transgender people that is the real problem here. And reading pieces like this from people on the fringe of the sex blogging community hurts. It really bloody hurts. .

Saying this is not seeking to play the victim, Neither is it demanding special treatment.   Trans people just want to be addressed by the names they have chosen to use and be addressed by the gender pronouns that are appropriate to their identity. This is not a lot to ask. It is, after all, what everyone else expects.

That said, I was deeply uncomfortable with the naming and shaming that went on social media the other week, the calling out of certain people as transphobes. I cannot pass judgement on all of the people named as I don’t know them but there are three people named who I do know. I have spoken to them in the weeks since the controversy erupted.  In fact they all contacted me to check that I was OK. (I was).  I do not regard them as transphobic. I will continue to regard them as friends and I will continue to work with them. I will not be boycotting memes or shunning people. It is surely better to engage with people and talk to them rather than shout.  This is what I have done and  will continue to do.

And what about the wider sex blogging community? My personal experience is wholly positive. I first attended Eroticon as Eve in 2015 and the experience was emotionally overwhelming, not the acceptance (which I had expected) but the positivity, even love, towards me. And I continue to feel that love. In saying this I do not seek to deny the experience of others.  In the same way I have had no negative experiences on the fet scene but am well aware that transphobia, (and misogyny and homophobia) are issues there.

Transphobia has no place in the sex blogging community. It is the responsibility of all of us to make it a a safe space for all of us, regardless of how we identify. All the bars in Birmingham’s Gay Village display posters that say “No TERFS on Our Turf.” Let’s make that our motto too.

Many or most bloggers are members of sexual minorities or subcultures of various kinds, some are members of several. Trans people accept your kink, your queerness, your polyamory or whatever. Accept us in return. We are not strangers. We are family.

 

 

 

 

SoSS April – The Lockdown Edition

April has been the month of lockdown. I have managed to do a lot of writing, and also a lot of reading. There can be no writing without reading and am sure that reading so many excellent posts has spurred my creativity. It appears that lockdown has spurred the creativity of many other bloggers too. In saying that I am very much aware that are many fine writers for whom lockdown has had the opposite effect. If you are one of them, know that I am thinking of you. We all have periods of block and I do not take my current creativity for granted. I see it as a gift, unsightly, maybe undeserved, but a gift.  And if you are experiencing block , or lack of inspiration, I want to share it with you. There has been a lot to like this month so please bear with me. This is a longer roundup than  normal.

There are plenty of female dominants on the kink scene and quite a few femsubs.  But I don’t come very often come across submissive women who submit to dominant women. And this is something that has fascinated me ever since the time when people watching at the BBB, as you do, I watched a young D/S couple, observed their dynamic, their intuitive understanding of each other. For the first time I realised that the submission of wmen to woman is a thing of beauty. This is why I am an avid reader of the blog of ML Slave Puppet. This post was not directly about being a femsub but a really useful review of LGBTQI literature and  how it helps self understanding.

Deviant Succubus is always worth reading. And I love this about how a pansexual woman doesn’t identify as LGBTQ. I could say more about labels and how they constrict as well as liberate but that is one for anther day after I have dome some more thinking on the subject.

This by a Mental Switch (a new name to me) was an interesting take on masturbating for the entertainment of a dominant.  This is a blog I will certainly be revisiting.

One meme I have yet to contribute to but really need to get around to is Lingerie for Everyone, all the more so as I have a collection of nice repro vintage lingerie, in the context of which I can thoroughly recommend What Katie Did. You even get a cup of tea and a biscuit when you visit the shop. I loved this from Violet Love although I found it painful to look at (not because of the pegged labia but because it reminded me of the many things that locked down Eve can’t enjoy).

Smutathon 2020 is provisionally scheduled for Scotland in September but, at the time of writing, there really is no way of knowing if it will be able to go ahead. The Smutathon regulars are getting together virtually to write for two hours on Wednesday evenings and this is helping a number of us to get our mojos back in these difficult times. It has certainly worked for Exhibit A who wrote this on the first Wednesday of the month.

Which leads me on to The Other Livvy who has been writing some interesting and thought provoking posts on how her sexual self has been affected by pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood. This for me is her best post yet on the subject.

And motherhood is a nice segue on to Francesca Demont , a new mother locked down in New York which, frankly, must be scary. But she is making the best of it as this post shows.

One of the big disappointments of March was not being able to meet up with Jayne Renault. As she says she has been quiet on the writing scene for a few months but thispost about writers’ block and self care, and just pampering and loving yourself, was incredibly rich. There is so  much here that I will need to read it again a couple of  times.

I could relate to these reflections on mental health and sleep and interiority by May More. I am actually sleeping much better during the lockdown but this may be because working from home enables me to keep hours that are more in synch with my internal  clock. But like May I have, and need, worlds of my own to escape to.

And staying with May, she wrote this fab story about the sexy challenges of having  your  partner working from home all day when normally they aren’t.

I will be discussing rope in a future post and have really enjoyed the wonderful artistic ties that some bloggers have managed to do on themselves, such as this harness by Molly.

What to do when you’rs tick at home on your own? Well you can follow the example of Pain as Pleasure and Dig for Victory.

Easter Sunday was an odd day wasn’t it? But some bloggers managed to keep a bit of the seasonal spirit. I rather liked Exposing 40’s Easter bunny.

This, by MxNillin was just well……..fucking hot!

And following on from a post by MxNillin I have to mention the issue that has been causing some friction within the sex blogging community. It was on Tuesday 14th April that I was made aware of a post from the 29th February and which had passed me by. This post by Inigo More has sparked a heated debate and a lot of acrimony. It has raised the issue of transphobia. I am going to link to two posts which give contrasting points of view.  Here is Kayla Lords    and here is an equally forthright piece from Melody Insights.  A number of people have messaged me privately to ask what I think and I have had a couple of lengthy conversations with people in which I have set out my perspective and explained why I think some people have reacted in the way they did. I will be blogging abut this but my mental health isn’t great at the moment and I want to wait until passions have cooled.

I was reminded by a tweet by a London based pro domme I chat to online about Club Pedestal which I went o a couple of years ago and quite enjoyed even if it is more of  a show off your shiny latex event than a proper lay event. So, with pedestals in mind, this post from Love is a Fetish kind of leapt off the screen at me.

ML Slave Puppet continues to write thought provoking things on kink. This, about shame and its dual aspect, shame at being kinky, and shame as a form pf play within kink, with the twist (which I hadn’t really thought about before) of arousal through humiliation play being itself a source of humiliation, is one of her best posts yet. If you are into BDSM, or just curious, this is a must read blog.

Sinful Sunday continues to be a source of sauciness (sorry) and a much needed morale boost. I enjoyed this by Exposing 40

Wicked Wednesday 412 was about Lockdown. Whilst there is no need to write to the theme (and my post that week didn’t), most bloggers did. I have chosen this post by Old Mike to feature in this roundup as it is by a sex worker client who writes about the awful predicament that sex workers currently find themselves in, To be clear, sex worker led groups, such as SWARM who are mentioned here, are organisations to help.  The self-appointed saviours, whose hearts bleed for “prostituted women” are doing nothing. Nada. Rien. Fuck all. Fuck them!

The final Sinful Sunday of April again had some interesting, well fun actually, images, such as this from Pain as Pleasure.

I have lined to a couple of rope posts earlier and have a blog post abut rope pending but I totally loved this from Sub Bee.

My collaboration with Posy Churchgate on the 1950s schooldays of Delphine continues. Here is Posy’s latest chapter which sets the bar high for my next chapter, which I will be posting next week.

This month’s petrolhead porn can only be Sir Stirling Moss who died on Easter Sunday. Here he is winning the 1958 Argentine Grand Prix. RIP Sir Stirling

And I will also be reading your blog posts, your smut and posting my roundup at the end of May. Until then stay safe. Above all, be kind to each other and treat each other with respect. 

Notes on Being a Slag

Debbie Archer was my first big crush. I was 11 and she was 14. I wasn’t her only admirer. There was something about her, poise. maturity, the impression (looking back nearly 50 years on) that when most of her contemporaries were still girls, she was well on the way to becoming a woman. And I didn’t just admire her from a distance. She played cello in the school orchestra and I played descant recorder which meant I sat directly behind her and we talked a lot, sometimes I got to sit next to her on the coach when we travelled to play concerts. I ran errands for her, passed on messages, was a sort of confidant. Even at the age of 11 I knew that she was using me but I didn’t care. Serving her was its own reward.

Then there were the boys in Debbie’s year. She used and manipulated them too.  Some of them didn’t like it. Debbie acquired a reputation. It was said, quietly at first, then louder and more openly, that she was a slag.  A section of the girls turned on her. It is said that  slut-shaming is a patriarchal device to control women. Yet women play their full part in policing and condemning other women. School was no different. Yet I remained loyal and took a fierce pride in my devotion to a girl who was despised by so many.

I think I last saw Debbie in 1974. I quickly forgot about her. As you get older memories come back for no apparent reason and it was a few months ago  that I took out my recorders for the first time in age and began to play them. And there she was before me, in her school blazer and green pleated skirt. And I began to reflect again on the ugliness of slut shaming.

I had actually been giving it a bit of thought. before then. After all as a woman who likes sex, and is always open to casual encounters, how could I not? I decided to claim the word slag as a badge of pride and had this tattoo done.

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The tag is humorous and my lovely artist Kerry totally loved designing it and putting it on my skin bit it is also deadly serious.  I like sex, I like casual sex, I sleep around (if I get the chance lol) and I am proud to call myself a slag. And I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. I don’t.

This tattoo is also about solidarity. Solidarity with women who are shamed and stigmatised, and worse, for liking sex, solidarity with women I have known. That includes you Debbie. When others turned on you I remained loyal.  This is for you.

A post for Wicked Wednesday. Follow this linkfor more wickedness

 

Wicked Wednesday

 

SoSS – March

In the month that was to have been dominated by Eroticon, and for which I spent quite a bit of time preparing,  I still managed to find time for reading and here is a selection of things that I particularly enjoyed.

Following the various memes  gives me the opportunity to discover new blogs and I am so pleased to have discovered The Artful Muse via Sinful Sunday . I love this image.

Wax play is something I haven’t done a lot of in the course of my kink career but I have seen how, done well, it is art. Like this from Purple’s Gem

Body positivity is always good to read about and particularly when it comes after a period of negativity. I am sure we could all love our bodies more. This  is the story of how one blogger learned to love her body.

Sinful Sunday is an unending source of delights. I am always amazed at how inventive people are. And there are always pictures that just grab your attention and you can’t take your eyes off them. Like this from Little Switch Bitch.

Or this from Marie Rebelle

Every thing by Victoria Blisse is worth reading but this was lovely.

ML Slave Puppet has posted some weirdly hot pics of her kink journey and the tasks set for her. I particularly enjoyed this floral tribute.

And so to lockdown which has cut many of us from actual physical contact with our lovers and kink play partners.  A reflection here from This Girl and here from Exposing 40

I guess many of us are missing hugs at the moment and hugs was the theme  of the most recent Wicked Wednesday. One highlight was this by Purples Gem which features possibly the most amazingly erotic picture I have ever seen.

And I had hoped to read more and feature more posts but, like all of you, have had to radically reorganise my life this month and this has affected my reading and writing. But I will be resuming normal service next month. I need it now more than ever and my connections with you wonderful sexy people the main thing keeping me out of a very dark place. Thank you for coming here to read my thoughts, thank you for giving me wonderful things to read. My love to you all.

And the car porn for March is something a little different. There are apparently plans fro Formula One cars to have two stroke engines in a few years time. There are, I am told, sound technical reasons for this but I will forever associate two stroke engines with   cars like this (OK a sporty version)

 

Not Eroticon

At 2.35 this afternoon I had expected to be starting, a little nervously,  my presentation on masturbation at Eroticon 2020 . Instead I was returning home after getting my boots reheeled at the local cobbler. After a cup of tea and a cigarette I put the Christmas decorations away in the loft. It has really taken me that long  to get round to it! Earlier I met my Portuguese friend Carlos for lunch on his birthday and the chana masala at our favourite curry pub was rather good, The pub is close to The Hawthorns and today, which would have been a matchday, it would normally have been standing room only. My order, placed an hour and a half after opening time, was order number 4 which shows how quiet the pub was. Everywhere has been eerily quiet the last couple of days. It is as if everyone is hibernating waiting for the apocalypse. I feel a pervasive anxiety I cannot shake off.

I was so looking forward to Eroticon , to hanging out with my people, to drinking from the well of awesomeness that it represents for me, and others,  and recharging my sex blogging batteries for the coming months So I was bitterly disappointed when Eroticon was cancelled. I cried, and I was not the only one I am sure. I should make it clear that I fully support  Molly and Michael’s; decision  to cancel. They really had no other option and I know that the pain they feel is greater than mine.

But every cloud as they say,  has a silver lining. I chatted to a number of Eroticon friends online and felt so much better. Smutathon 2020 is being organised, I have a meetup with Posy Churchgate in the diary and maybe, just maybe, there may be another meetup in Birmingham in the summer. For Eroticon is much more than a conference. It is a community.

Tonight the plan was to go to Poppy’s in Camden with Posy for fish and chips, vintage style and I definitely planned not to get mushy peas over my dress this year! But I am having fish and chips at home instead, and I have prosecco. I will raise a glass to Posy. I will raise a glass to all of you. Until the next time!

Eroticon 2020 – Meet and Greet

It is nearly that time again – sexy Christmas when I learn a lot, drink too much, and get to hang out with some of the most amazing, talented and sexy people I know. As usual, Molly has invited us to do a virtual Meet and Greet. Here is mine:

NAME (and Twitter if you have one)

Eve Ray and I tweet at @EveRay1

Tell us 3 things you are most looking forward to at Eroticon 2020

  1. My speaking debut…..a bit of apprehension too but I have run parts of it past people and the jokes seem to work. Have I set myself up to fail now?
  2. Friday night. It is such a lovely thing when the faces of people you love and admire light up when they see you and you know they are not faking it. And a hug from Drew is just the loveliest thing!
  3. Meeting new people and learning new things. This is my 7th Eroticon and several of the people I used to talk to regularly, especially in the Bristol days, no longer come.  But there are always new faces and it is brilliant that so many of the new faces contribute so much and have such an impact. Is it really only 3 years ago that Coffee and Kink turned up as a nervous newbie? Seeing how she has blossomed as a writer and blogger reminds me of what this event can do for people and, indeed, what it has done for me.

Sadly with a change of venue this year for the Friday night meet and greet we won’t be compiling a play list but I know that everyone enjoys that bit so…. What is a song that always makes you want to dance?

 

Maybe not dance but had there been a playlist I would have wanted to commemorate Ian Dury who died on 27th March 2000. And his smuttiest song is undoubtedly Billericay Dickie. “She took me to the cleaners and other misdeameanours” . Actually I think I could dance to this!,

What is the best book you have read in the last 12 months?

Not an easy read but Milkman by Anna Burns, set in a nationalist area of Belfast during the Troubles and an insight into the oppressive, claustrophobic and deeply misogynistic environment that people had to live in, where women’s lives were closely policed, where the narrator is regarded with deep suspicion  as a woman who reads literary fiction and attends a French class in the city centre, where she meets people from the “other side” .A difficult read but a worthwhile one.

As you sit writing this post what are three things you are grateful for?

1. The friends who keep me from black despair in these desperate times for all of us who value freedom, tolerance and diversity.

2. Health and a full head of hair.

3.  The mysteries of evolution that led from the primordial soup to the female body and the unfathomable beauty of the vulva. And that we now have a museum to celebrate this.

What is your mobile (cellphone) wallpaper or home screen image?

Marlene Dietrich in a Dior turban and the most exquisite leather gloves. But you know that my heart will always belong to her don’t you?

If someone gave you £5000 today which you were not allowed to save but had to spend within 24 hours what would you do with it?

Buy a Triumph Dolomite Sprint (which is still just about possible)

Complete the sentence:

I need.

A house with a wine cellar and a walk in wardrobe.

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