Notes on Being a Slag

Debbie Archer was my first big crush. I was 11 and she was 14. I wasn’t her only admirer. There was something about her, poise. maturity, the impression (looking back nearly 50 years on) that when most of her contemporaries were still girls, she was well on the way to becoming a woman. And I didn’t just admire her from a distance. She played cello in the school orchestra and I played descant recorder which meant I sat directly behind her and we talked a lot, sometimes I got to sit next to her on the coach when we travelled to play concerts. I ran errands for her, passed on messages, was a sort of confidant. Even at the age of 11 I knew that she was using me but I didn’t care. Serving her was its own reward.

Then there were the boys in Debbie’s year. She used and manipulated them too.  Some of them didn’t like it. Debbie acquired a reputation. It was said, quietly at first, then louder and more openly, that she was a slag.  A section of the girls turned on her. It is said that  slut-shaming is a patriarchal device to control women. Yet women play their full part in policing and condemning other women. School was no different. Yet I remained loyal and took a fierce pride in my devotion to a girl who was despised by so many.

I think I last saw Debbie in 1974. I quickly forgot about her. As you get older memories come back for no apparent reason and it was a few months ago  that I took out my recorders for the first time in age and began to play them. And there she was before me, in her school blazer and green pleated skirt. And I began to reflect again on the ugliness of slut shaming.

I had actually been giving it a bit of thought. before then. After all as a woman who likes sex, and is always open to casual encounters, how could I not? I decided to claim the word slag as a badge of pride and had this tattoo done.

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The tag is humorous and my lovely artist Kerry totally loved designing it and putting it on my skin bit it is also deadly serious.  I like sex, I like casual sex, I sleep around (if I get the chance lol) and I am proud to call myself a slag. And I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. I don’t.

This tattoo is also about solidarity. Solidarity with women who are shamed and stigmatised, and worse, for liking sex, solidarity with women I have known. That includes you Debbie. When others turned on you I remained loyal.  This is for you.

A post for Wicked Wednesday. Follow this linkfor more wickedness

 

Wicked Wednesday

 

SoSS – Brexit Edition

So 2020, I was really not looking forward to you for reasons most of my readers will be aware of. As we approach Brexit day I can’t help reflecting that Brexit is not really about the actual institution of the European Union but rather about using an imagined EU as a focus for a wide variety of grievances, with the aim of enabling a populist, authoritarian and socially conservative remodelling of our country and its institutions. This cannot be a good thing for those who identify as kinky, LGBTQ, or sex positive, notwithstanding that we have a Prime Minister who just can’t keep his cock in his trousers whenever he comes across a woman daft enough to want to sleep with him.

The last three years have taken a toll on my mental health, and not only mine. I totally recommend this post for the New Year by Posy who writes about January here

It was 6 years ago that I set foot in the fet scene thinking I was probably a sub. Just three months later a lady I met in a club evidently spotted something in me and invited me to join her in administering a spanking. This was a lifechanging  event and consequently I can very much relate to Nikki’s experience. She writes about her first femdom experience here.

Female submission is still a bit of an alien world to me even though I have got to know a number of femsubs both on the scene and through Eroticon and I  enjoy reading things written from a femsub perspective. I have had submissive women ask me for play and, in fact, have played on one occasion. But I do struggle to get into the dynamic even I find the idea really hot. It is said that reading can be both a genuine enhancement of experience and a means of self understanding. This  by Submissy is brilliant and the picture is just amazing.

It has been a while since I got around to visiting Victoria Blisse’s blog and I do love a poem.

And it is January, the longest, dreariest month, so it is nice to be reminded that summer is not so far away and Master’s Pleasing Bitch does it most enjoyably here

Now many of you will know that Posy Churchgate and I are good mates, sister in smut (and champagne!), in fact, and I really admire her writing. I make no apology for plugging her work on this blog and she is getting another mention this month.  This,  by a strange irony on the Sisters in Smut blog, is simply the best thing she has written.

There have been a number of reflective and thought provoking posts this months and The Other Livvy posted this amazing piece on sex after childbirth

I love pictures with a touch of humour so this by Molly really appealed to me.

Since emerging as a dominant on the fet scene I have explored a number of new kinks so I can relate to this by Floss

And this description of a visit to a pro dommme for an introduction to CP is also something I can totally relate to.  And I am so glad that MLSlavePuppet had such a positive experience.

There were a number of brilliant posts for Wicked Wednesday 400 including  the piece I have linked to above. I also enjoyed Love Lust London’s  excursion to mediaeval France  

and anything by Eye is worth a read such as this . I can say that I have experienced every one of the fears and insecurities she mentions. I will say two things. I first spoke to Eye at my first Eroticon 2014 and we have been in regular contact ever since. I admire her as a brilliant writer, as a woman who  is an inspiration to all older women. Sexy after the M word? You bet and you can be fucking hot too. I also admire her for her strength. She has had a lot of shit to put up with and has come out fighting. She is a valued member of our community. But this is a community that values all its members.  And before I get on to my monthly dose of car porn for you my parting thought is this:

The 31st January 2020 will not go down as an auspicious day in the history of our country. It marks a triumph of populist demagoguery over reason, lies over truth, prejudice over tolerance. It marks, too, the arrival of US style culture wars on our shores. For our community of bloggers, many of whom are LGBT or kinky or poly or a combination of these, who embrace an ethical and positive approach to sex, who celebrate all forms of consensual sexuality  as a source of joy and liberation, there are dark times ahead. We must stick together, for we need each other. TOGETHER WE ARE STRONG

And what of car porn? Going back to 1980 one of the cars I desired was the Mk 2 Ford Escort RS2000 which ceased production that year. But I also had a soft spot for the Talbot Sunbeam Lotus, a worthy successor to the Ford/Lotus collaborations of a decade earlier. Here  are three of them in the 1980 RAC Rally with some amazing driving by winner Henri Toivonen.

Last Piece In The Jigsaw

This is the 400th Wicked Wednesday and Marie has asked me to take part via a tweet so it would be wrong not to. So I have a few reflections on the last 8 years of my life and how the jigsaw fell into place, how the pieces of sex, kink and vintage fashion came together in unexpected ways.

Sexual intercourse was discovered in 1963 according to Philip Larkin, not too late for me as I was one year old at the time. However, it took until 2012 for sex to become a defining interest. I don’t know why. I just had an urge one day to write a smutty story. By the end of the year I had started this blog and begin to engage with like-minded people online. In March 2013 I spent a weekend at the computer reading live tweets from Eroticon and wondering why I wasn’t there. I put that right the following year. I began to experiment with my own sexuality and get a feeling for how restricting my previous cisheteronormative assumptions had been. There were world to be discovered and I am enjoying the journey of discovery, knowing that I have barely scratched the surface.

Kink wise I soon began to move on from my initial assumption that I must be a submissive.  It was one Saturday afternoon in April 2014 that I attended a spanking party at a club. After giving me an enjoyable flogging, the house domme invited me to join her in dealing with her next spankee. And I loved it, every bit of it, holding the implements in my hand,  teasing my victim, making the most satisfying thud as the paddle landed. MY kink life would never be the same again. This tied in perfectly with my changing gender identity. From femdom I embarked on a journey that led back to femdom. This is my home on the kink scene.

You won’t have met Claire yet but you will soon. She is my favourite character in my writing, a sassy girl of 21 who lives the vintage life 24/7 and likes sex. In my story she embarks on a man hunt and has lots of sex on the way, some good, some disastrous. But always in a 50s outfit, and often on the vinyl (very handy!) seats of her 1959 Ford Zodiac. When I began the story I knew very little about vintage fashion so I started reading Vintage Life magazine, joining  Facebook groups and, before long, I had a couple of Vivien of Holloway dresses and had attended my first meetups, meeting wonderful ladies who are now amongst my best friends. And this is not an add on to my sexual side. It is part of me. the whole me. After I first attended a fet event in a vintage dress I received a lovely message on Fetlife from a friend who said that, for her, that dress was the final piece in the jigsaw.

Actually not quite. That came when I headed to Bristol  for my first Eroticon and met so may amazing writers and bloggers in the flesh and realised that I had found a new family.  Which is why I am here now, still blogging away, and looking forward to my seventh  Eroticon. And to think I didn’t do any of this until I turned 50.

Dear reader, however old you are, it is never too late to put your own jigsaw into place. I wish you luck.

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