2019 My Blogging Year

2019 has not been a good year for the country or for the wider world. It has been a year when I have wanted to stay close to my fellow spirits in the sex blogging family. It has been a year when I have learned to love my body, when I have found a sister, two actually, and when I have gained a clearer view of why I blog and what my writing means to me.

In March I attended Eroticon and had the conversations that led to me finding my sisters.   I have known Exposing 40 since our initial meeting in a Bristol restaurant in 2016 and have admired her work.  Yet we had never had more than very brief conversations. So it was with a little trepidation that I asked her whether he would do a photoshoot with me. A couple of months later we agreed a date and it was on Sunday 28th July that I knocked on the door of her South London flat. I had a leopard print dress packed, some fetishwear and a flogger, packed as an accoutrement rather than for play. E40 must have taken nearly 200 pictures, which, after editing and discarding, became 42 beautiful images.  I cried with happiness when I saw them.  For I had never really thought of my body as beautiful. And what I loved was the queerness of it all. It was wonderful that others thought so too.  I had the confidence to do a couple of genital shots, a bog stumbling block for me for obvious reasons, and E40 posted one of these on her blog. I was overwhelmed by the positive reaction and the comment that this was an “enticing symphony of queerness” will live with me for ever.  I think that, for me, genderqueer femme is a better fit for me than transgender woman, and that really all comes down to sex. To go down the surgical route seems to me to limit the wide range of sexual options I currently enjoy. I am a sexual person and anything that doesn’t work for sex can never work for me.  Actually, the very thought of being queer makes me incredibly horny and that can only be good for those who have sex with me.  So, E40, I will love you for ever for what you have done for me and I hope we can do this again in 2020. And I so loved the conversations we had in your flat, over cocktails in your local pub. I think of you as a sister and look forward to catching up in March.

It was also at Eroticon at I first had a longer conversation with Posy Churchgate. We had an instant connection and have cemented our bond of smutty sisterhood with two meetups in London where we have visited Sh! And the Vagina Museum. We have been to Cahoots and I have given Posy a glimpse of my vintage word. This means as much to me as the blogging world, not least because I enjoy the love and support of a lot of amazing women. And guess what? One or two of them are into BDSM so all my worlds intersect in one way or another.  I love Posy as a sister, a kindred spirit I can talk to about anything. And she has been very supportive of my writing. This is important as I am plagued by self-doubt and I need reassurance. Posy gives me that. As does May More, who I must also mention. Between them they promote my blog far more than I do. I do need to do more myself next year. But thank you so much, May, for including me in your Top Twenty Four.

My blog has been going since 2012. It was very busy in its first year, but the frequency of posting dropped off in 2014, mainly because I returned to full time work and I had a fallow few years until 2018. Over the last 18 months I have made a real effort to post more often, and to participate in the various memes and to engage more with other bloggers.

I have covered a lot of ground in my blog. In the first two years I wrote a lot about sex workers’ rights, (this was the time when Rhoda Grant was trying to introduce the Nordic Model in Scotland) and, through doing so got to engage online with activists around the word. I am still a little amazed that Carol Leigh thought that I was someone worth adding on Facebook. This is a cause I don’t really   write about much anymore as there are so many others better placed than me to say wat still needs to be said.   It remains, however, a cause to which I have a deep personal commitment, and no SWERF can be a friend of mine.

Over time the emphasis switched to smut, both stories and personal reflection. It was only in 2019 that I understood what my writing means to me. I am in a constant search for the experience of female sexuality. I can never have what I seek (which is another reason for being sceptical about gender reassignment surgery) so I look for it in my writing. Writing, as much as reading, is a means of self-understanding, is a broadening of experience. I am the women I write about. But I have their orgasms alone, at my keyboard, I have their sex in my head. But that too can be beautiful.  And I need it as much I need the actual lovers who get to share my bed. So, if you enjoy my blog you can be assured it will carry on.   I enjoy it too much to give it up.

And then there was Smutathon. My big regret is that I didn’t get to join the main event in Montreal but I had a productive day, home alone, and am looking forward to Smutathon 2020 which we provisionally plan to hold in Scotland.

And looking forward to 2020 the first big event in my diary is Eroticon when I will make my debit as a speaker. I am excited about this but also a bit nervous. Other than that, I am hoping to get to have longer chats with May More and with Nineteen Syllables. Oh, and Mia More if you are going to be there, I need to talk to you. I missed you in 2018 and am still angry with myself about it. For you were the catalyst of the changes in my life and I doubt that you have any idea.

SoSS – October

It is Saturday 19th October as I write. I am listening anxiously for news of the votes in Parliament on you know what. But there is good news, one part of which I will turn to later. For bow I ma very happy that we stuffed the Aussies in the rugby this morning.

Here are some things that I have enjoyed reading over the last couple of weeks. I was a late comer to anal sex and them mainly in a BDSM context.  I ave both given and received and there is nothing like it for making the recipient feel vulnerable. In the right headspace it can release powerful emotions. May More discussed anal here in the context of a post that looks into wider consent issues.

Sweet girl talks about the emotional aspects of anal here.

I enjoyed this story by Posy Churchgate.

Three weeks ago I was busy with Smutathon I have still not got round to reading more than a handful of the 49 posts. I will feature more  of them in a future post. This week I enjoyed this by The Other Livvy and this poem by Quinn Rhodes.

Photography is something I used to enjoy but these days rarely have time for. Some thirty years ago I bought a Minolta x300, my very first SLR camera, and for a few years I  took t wt me everywhere.   These days I tend to be on the opposite side of the camera. I found this by Exposing 40, she who exposed my 57 a few months ago.

And now the good news. This week the Government announced that age verification for accessing online porn was to be abandoned after being deferred several times. They had been told by those with expertise in the area that it would be unworkable. This is apart from issues of privacy, of the security of personal data, of the effect on niche and ethical porn,  (much of it produced by women.)

Read more here:

As ever I am finishing with car porn.As a vintage girl I own a 1958 Ford Prefect 100E, the perfect car for a summer’s day in a circle dress,  and here is the official launch film for the range from 1953,

 

Out of Body Experiences

This piece was written for Smutathon 2019 on 28th September 2019 and originally posted on smutathon.com . Please visit the site if you haven’t already. There is a lot of fabulous content.

Many years ago, in a student bar, a friend asked a strange question
“Why do you have to transport your body when you want to go anywhere?”
We laughed. I mean, the answer is obvious isn’t it? And yet, the question has remained with me over the years. I imagine it has remained with my friend too. He moved to Seattle shorty after graduating and has had a successful career in Artificial Intelligence research. Simple, naïve questions sometimes turn out to be the most fruitful and I am sure Peter’s habit of coming up with these questions has inspired his research.

For me, as a writer, it has proved to be a fruitful question. It has helped me to think more deeply about my writing and how it has enabled me to travel to places and times I could not otherwise visit, to inhabit other, different bodies (something I touched on in my last post) and to think in different ways about my own body, my own materiality, and that particular bit of spacetime in which the material Eve finds herself.
I had actually planned to be in a different bit of spacetime today as I had originally planned to be at the main event in Montreal. Instead I sit at home in the rainy English Midlands with woe and honey cake, listening to The Cure as I write. Yet I am in Montreal with a bunch of people I love and admire. We may not be physically present to each other but wed are together, we are there for each other today. Some of my posts will be about Canada so I will be travelling and exploring without transporting my body. Just as well as it aces like anything today (I am in training for a half marathon).
How does this relate to sex? After all there is nothing more body centred than sex is there? Even solos sex needs a body. And yet we are able to interact sexually with people who are not physically present to us. There is phone sex, obviously, web camming and so on. There is also writing. I engage with my characters, and some of them are hot in ways that never made it on to the page. This does not mean I fantasise about them as I masturbate. For me, the act of thinking about them, just holding them before me can be sexually charged. I pour sexual energy into my writing. And also into my reading. There is an aspect to reading and writing erotica that I had never considered until I read Enjoy Sex by Meg John Barker and Justin Hancock a couple of years ago. This is that through reading and writing we interact sexually with our writers and readers. When I post a story, I am inviting you, dear reader, to enter my house of eroticism, maybe not the whole house, but a room or two, all with large windows and nice views. And If you like what you read, if it fuels your fantasies, then we have connected sexually. Not with our bodies, but with our minds. I may never know who you are, we may never be in the same bit of spacetime, but the connection is real. I value it. I hope you do too.
Today you have the opportunity to interact with a lot of clever, sexy people here at smutathon.com I hope you enjoy what you read and that you will feel able to make a donation to the cause of abortion rights in the United States that Smutathon2019 is supporting. And pause, too, to reflect on the potential richness of a naïve question.

In Search of the Zipless Fuck…..Or Not

I suppose I am not much like Erica Jong’s heroine and I doubt I will be any more successful in finding the zipless fuck than she was. Nonetheless reading Fear of Flying some years ago coincided with a new relationship and some amazing sex and got me thinking in a new way about female sexuality.  I will correct that. It got me thinking about female sexuality as something that I couldn’t just take for granted, couldn’t make simple assumptions that it was like mine.

As I reflected on this I became acutely aware that it was a mystery and, however much was revealed by individual partners in lovemaking, it would, to a great event, always be a mystery. This, of course, is a good thing. Where there is no mystery there can be no true eroticism. And yet I needed to know more. I sometimes sat alone, shutting my eyes, replaying in my head the previous night’s lovemaking, and trying to imagine how it was for her.

And the mystery of female sexuality has hung over my transition, it has fuelled my lovemaking with women sine I began my transition, my beautiful adventures in sex without penetration, my growing appreciation of the beauty of the vulva, my realisation, delighted realisation, that there were further mysteries  behind the mysteries.

Before then I had begun to write and blog. I am sure I am not the only writer about sex who writes to explore tings she cannot directly experience, to pursue things that must always be elusive, although close enough to tease and tantalise. It is lovely that people enjoy my writing, and wonderful beyond words when when tell me that they found a story hot or could identify with a particular character.  However, I write ultimately for myself, and don’t imagine that the reaction of women to my writing means that I am any closer to grasping the mystery and laying it bare.

I wouldn’t want to do this, even it were possible.  My transition has been driven by sex, my blogging is an attempt to make sense of it all. I am on a journey whose destination I don’t know. And that is fine for me. I am enjoying the journey too much to want it to end.

I am continuing my journey this Saturday at Smutathon, where I will be joined by a number of other brilliant writers.   And to donate to or chosen cause this year click on the image below.

Goal Thermometer

It’s Smutathon Time Again!

The wonderful Coffee and Kink attended her first Eroticon as recently as 2017. This seems hard to believe as she is such a fixture on the sex blogging scene. It was her idea to hold the first sex blogging marathon, which was christened Smutathon, later that year. It was on 2nd July 2017 that a few of us made ourselves comfortable in the London home of Exhibit A and The Other Livvy  and just blogged away, with food and booze to fuel us as we wrote. A few other bloggers participated remotely, in Jerusalem Mortimer’s case from Australia.  So this was a truly worldwide event. And a huge success, apart from my sponge cake!

Last year we did it again, this time in suburban Northwich, Cheshire, in a house with a hot tub and snotty neighbours. And this, being Cheshire set country, there was a rather good deli nearby where I stocked up on my way home. I am sooo middle class!

2019 sees the main event in Montreal, home of the lovely Jayne Renault and Bellesa. I had hoped to be there but I will actually be at home, doing it all remotely and linking uo with the others via Skype. I will, however, be in Montreal in spirit, and will be doing half a dozen pieces with a Canadian theme.

Smutathon 2019 has a dedicated website where you can get all the details and read all the posts, and also get information on how to donate to the causes we are supporting this year. Check it out on Saturday 28th September. I can  promise you a treat.

And here is some music from a Montreal band to get us all in a Canadian mood.

 

Song of a Baker

There’s wheat in the fields, slut, there’s water in the stream. We will go down thee and I will have you in all your filthy sluttery. You will kneel amidst the ripening crop and I, head high to the blades,  will take you from behind as you sink into the rich cloying earth.  Then I will lie on my back and I you can come down on me

Pat a cake pat a cake baker man bake me a cake as fast as you can and when you have finished hurry up to the flat and take me, fill me with moist springy cake, fill me till ready to burst with the work of your hands. And then, my little baker man, you will come down on me and eat me out, yes eat me out, fill your face with that sponge steeped in my juices. Kiss me and fill my mouth with chewed mushy cake. Spit the rest out over my boobs and lick it greedily off.  And them fuck me, fuck me hard

I will decorate you with dough, a little bun on each nipple,  a bite sized chunk on your clit and take a photograph. I will post it on that website we use where you are The Baker’s Wife The Greedy Bitch Who Wants to Have Her cake and Eat it. And the finished scones we will take to the club next week, and there you will lie on the table covered in scones and jam and cream and every single one must l be eaten off you. Then I will fuck you, fuck you right there on the crumbs and the jam and the cream. Our bodies will fuse in sweetness and you will taste salt. Then I will invite anyone who wants you to join the queue to fuck you, you who will be strapped down, legs apart. One after the other they will take you. Greedy girl. You will have your cake and eat it.

Oh baker man oh baker man who has made me a slut from a slave to cake, my baker man whose cock never fails to rise like the yeasty dough in your kitchen. Oh baker man I thank you for each cock you have allowed in my cunt, each cock I have had in my mouth and tasted and enjoyed as I enjoy your cakes. I thank you for the come I drink every day. Oh baker man, my baker man, I thank you most of all for the mornings when, sated with sex and refreshed by sleep, I come down for breakfast and gorge myself on the most sensual delight of all, your soft crusty bread, fresh from the oven.

Looking Forward to Smutathon 2018

It seems hard to believe that there was once a time when I didn’t know Amy who blogs as Coffee and Kink.  I met her at Eroticon in March 2017 which she was attending as a nervous newbie.  Just like other newbies over the years (me in 2014 as well) she took to it like a duck to water and found her place in our weird and wonderful blogging community. Amy it was who, just over a year ago, came up with the idea of a 12 hour smut writing marathon to raise money for worthy causes. Last year it was Rape Crisis UK and Backlash, for whom we raised £2,000.

Last year I rocked up at the South London home of EA Unadorned and The Other Livvy, overdressed on a hot day, frazzled after a difficult journey and, to  be honest, unprepared. Well I had baked a cake (a disaster destined never to be eaten) and bought loads of booze to make cocktails but I hadn’t really given too much thought to what I was going to write and post.  My contribution was a little bit off the cuff although the conversation did inspire one piece, after Amy outed me on Twitter as a serial haver of sex in Skodas in public places. I am sure you will agree that car sex was well worth writing about. By the evening, however, I had a splitting headache and was running out of steam long before the midnight closer of the blogging marathon.

Nonetheless we had fun, and lots of stimulating conversation. And there were some surreal moments. We sat out in the garden for an hour or so in the evening and had a barbecue. Just 100 yards in a red brick church the Saturday evening service was long and loud. As we talked about well, the sort of things we talk about and ate grilled halloumi and sausage,  the air was filled with songs of the salvation we might possibly be missing out on.

This year 8 of us are heading up to the North West where we have a house for the weekend and, oh joy of joys, an outdoor hot tub.  I am going to bake a cake (properly) and Nadiya’s (she of Bake Off fame) yummy orange blossom and polenta cake may well feature. Most importantly I have a plan for my writing and it is, as you might imagine, a cunning one. I can now reveal it exclusively.

The 24thMay 1968 was a significant day and not just because students in Paris were on the verge of bringing De Gaulle down. Back in London The Small Faces, one of the most innovative and original of all English bands of the 60s, released their masterpiece and, I guess, swansong, Ogden’s’ Nut Gone Flake, featuring on Side Two the tale of Happiness Stan, the songs interwoven with gobbledegook by Professor Stanley Unwin.  Sadly the album proved totally unsuited to live performance and by the end of the year the band had split. Three of them carried on, with the addition of Ronnie Wood, as The Faces and, as many if you will know, had a fruitful collaboration with Rod Stewart in the early 70s.

Only one of The Small Faces, drummer Kenny Jones, is still alive.  Keyboardist Ian McLagan died a couple of years ago while it is over 20 years since the very premature deaths of Ronnie Lane, after a long battle with MS, and Steve Marriott who died in a fire at his home. But the bands, who are commemorated with a blue plaque on Carnaby Street, deserve to be remembered. They were hugely influential and their legacy will last. And anyone who says they were just a Cockney imitation of The Beatles can never be a friend of mine.

My plan is simple: 10 pieces of short fiction, each named after a track on the album. And who knows? May be there will be some gobbledegook in there too. I can’t wait to get started.

As you can imagine I am looking forward to the Smutathon weekend.  Raising money is the main object I suppose but Smutathon had been positive in other ways. It has helped to bring the blogging community together. We are no longer people who just see each other once a year at Eroticon.  We can, and do, meet up during the year as and when time and other commitments allow, to exchange, support each other in this baffling, baffled world where sex is everywhere yet, in the most important senses, nowhere and where we are misunderstood and stigmatised. And we enjoy each other’s company, drink together, share cigarettes, and, sorry, bore on about Brexit, or is that just me?  In short we are a group of friends. Long may that remain so.

Smutathon

Five weeks after my third half-marathon, in Manchester, I am taking on a new challenge, a writing marathon, the first Smutathon.  Now In have never written anywhere near as much smut as I would have liked and I see in this an opportunity to catch up, spending 12 hours writing filth. This will be in London in the company of other members of the Eroticon family   so it will be fun and very sociable, particularly if I take a couple of bottles of gin 🙂

This is filth with a purpose as we aim to raise money for two worthy causes, Rape Crisis and Backlash which campaigns against censorship and for sexual freedom.

This may seem to some an odd pairing. There are, after all, those who see censorship as a necessary step towards reducing the incidence of rape and sexual assault. Only recently I read Julie Bindel (who else) going on about porn culture and its role in the oppression of women as if she was unaware that women are both producers and consumers of porn, and that the often niche porn (BDSM for example) that women produce is most at risk from the puritanical urges of our politicians.

I think I can speak from all my fellow participants when I say that we reject this view. The full and free expression of human sexuality is joyful and life enhancing.  And I emphasise free. This means consent at all times. Our choices are ours and ours alone. Politicians (and Julie Bindel) need to remember this too.

I hope you are able to support us. You can sponsor us here

Oh and huge thanks to the wonderful Coffee and Kink who had the idea and the energy to bring it about. You can follow her blog here

As for me I really can’t wait until July 1st.