In The Family Way

I have written before about Eroticon and how those who attend regularly have become a kind of family. Writing can be an isolating experience and when your subject matter is sex, and particularly  when it is seen from the angle of unconventional and alternative sexualities, this isolation can be compounded by the stigma and lack of understanding that requires many bloggers and writers to write pseudonymously, in some cases, going to great lengths to protect their real names.  So it is really good to get together from time to time and chat, and drink , and eat and laugh with people like you, people who “get it”

Yesterday’s blogger meetup in Birmingham was  not a reprise of Eroticon ans several of the bloggers present have not yet been there (but surely will) but it was great to spend an afternoon with awesome people, new friends and old friends, the inevitable cigarette and swapping of gleeful reminiscences about election night with Girl on the Net, planning cocktails and cake for Smutathon next weekend, all this awesomeness, while just 50 yards away, the massed ranks of 20 Britain First supporters, ranted into a void.

We are going to do this again. I only hope the next ne doesn’t clash with rugby at Moseley…please! But I will be there anyway. You are family.

Huge thanks to Horny Geek Girl and Echo Explores for organising.

Smutathon

I was wondering what to do for Smutathon but have now decided to edit and finish off the novella that I began six years ago and have toyed with on and off over the years, even reading a chapter at the Eroticon slam in 2016. I will now finish it because it deserves to be finished.  It changed my life.

Those who have met me will know that, in addition to being into sex and smut, I have a deep love of vintage fashion, and particularly of 50s fashions. This came about through writing smut….really. I had an idea one day of writing a story about a young woman who loved the fashions and style of the 50s , to the extent of living the lifestyle 24/7. So I invented Claire, who is my absolute favourite person of those who have been born from my imagination. Claire is different, she is proud of being different, she finds vintage empowering. And she likes sex. Rough sex. Sex on the back seats of cars.  Sex where she sends a man home with a ripped shirt , bloodstained from running her fingernails down his back.

I actually had the idea watching a programme about a woman in her early 20s who lived in the 50s even to the extent of using a Vauxhall Wyvern Series E as her everyday transport. My parents were amazed at  the attention to detail with which she had furnished her house. I have no idea what her sex life was like but she inspired the vintage bit of Claire.  And the sex  bit? Well that came from a Ford publicity shot for the Mark 2 Zodiac. A simple shot of a woman behind the wheel, in a circle dress,,, wearing leather driving gloves.  I have a huge glove fetish and my imagination ran wild as I looked at the photograph. I was aroused.

In this way the pieces came together, vintage fashion, classic  50s car, and unbridled eroticism.  So, on July 1st, I will put a nice frock on, open the laptop and finally finish this novella.

Claire, I promise I will do you justice. This will be my love letter to you.

smutathon4.png

War Paint

I don’t know why this song suddenly came to me as I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in one of the big fluffy hotel towels. I sprayed on a little 4711 and settled down to wait for Steph.

“War paint war paint you don’t need war paint”

I knew that Steph would be made up immaculately, she always was, foundation, blush, mascara that picked out each lash individually, the glistening red of her lipstick countered perfectly against her lips. War paint war paint and it brought me to surrender every time.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I had chosen a biker jacket to go with jeans and boots. I had never quite dressed this was before but this was to be the last time. And the first. My husband had found out and I had made my choice. Steve was a great lover but I had never quite been able to see him as a long term partner. I was going to have to tell him.

I opened the door. She came inside. I could have dropped to my knees and worshipped her.

*

I looked at him. I told him the news. Then I added

‘It’s my poorly day….I’m sorry.’

I thought that would be that. The fact is that men are disgusted by women in their elemental messiness. And most men I had ever had sex with never wanted it during my days.

But I wanted him. I wanted him so fucking much. I wanted to see his bell end covered in my blood. I felt my clit swell and brush against my panties. I put a finger inside and felt how wet I was getting. I saw deep submissiveness in his eyes. He would deny me nothing.

“Fuck me. Fuck me hard. Give me something to remember.”

*

 

Steph had shocked me when she told me she was finishing with me. But I wanted her and I knew I wanted to needed to fuck her one last time and I had for the first time that feeling that I craved her blood. She undressed and removed her panties which were stained red, and her tampon and placed them on the bedside table.

I pushed in. there was a certain resistance, Steph wasn’t as dilated as normal but the abrasion of my initial penetration gave way to the warm and softness as her vagina wrapped around my raw and exposed bellend. I felt further stiffening as I began to pump.

She moaned

“oh baby baby….give it to me.”

Six thrusts and a final deep violent push and she came with a scream as I felt my ejaculation pushing out into the wider waters. I remained there for a few moments before pulling gently out. My prick glistened with a mixture of come and menstrual blood which dripped onto the white sheets on which I would be sleeping later as Steph drove home through the night.

*

This was quick sex, but I was so horny I had no need for foreplay. I just wanted Steve’s cock inside me for the last time. I wanted him to be quick and brutal. He withdrew and rolled over, spent. We were both dripping onto the bedclothes, come, ejaculate and blood. I thought it looked beautiful.

I took my stained panties from the bedside table and pushed it into face, pressing hard to make him struggle for breath. I began to rub and grind. I ordered him to wank but he almost didn’t need to. I rubbed my fingers on the sheet and turned his face red as he came in creamy glugs. I took some of his come in my hand, rubbed it with the blood and thought.

“Wank again and come over my tits. “

He kneeled up and after a few brisk movements was squirting come over me before licjing my breasts. I was covered in come and Steve in my blood. I remembered a line from a poem

“Whatever dies was not mixed equally.”

We were bound together in our mixed fluids. It was smelly, it was dirty, it was beautiful. I wanted more.

*

“We are bound together in love, bound together in blood” shouted Steph. I had come once inside her, twice over her, and she wanted to be fucked again.  I picked up her boots.

“Put these on “

She pulled them on and pushed a sole into my face. I licked and licked feeling myself become hard before she slid down the bed to take me in her mouth, bringing me to the edge again before turning round so that I could take her from behind.

*

And that was it. I was sated. I was a mess. I stank of sex. I guess Steve was disappointed that I didn’t stay for a final shower with him but I had to enjoy this on the drive home. Besides my husband was out, so a shower could wait.

*

She left closing the door softly behind her. I looked at myself in the mirror. I took some more blood and painted two lines, one on each cheek. We may never see each other again but I was no longer ashamed of this.

I left the room and headed for the lift. I began to sing out loud

“War paint, war paint, you don’t need…..”

But I so did.

Smutathon

Five weeks after my third half-marathon, in Manchester, I am taking on a new challenge, a writing marathon, the first Smutathon.  Now In have never written anywhere near as much smut as I would have liked and I see in this an opportunity to catch up, spending 12 hours writing filth. This will be in London in the company of other members of the Eroticon family   so it will be fun and very sociable, particularly if I take a couple of bottles of gin 🙂

This is filth with a purpose as we aim to raise money for two worthy causes, Rape Crisis and Backlash which campaigns against censorship and for sexual freedom.

This may seem to some an odd pairing. There are, after all, those who see censorship as a necessary step towards reducing the incidence of rape and sexual assault. Only recently I read Julie Bindel (who else) going on about porn culture and its role in the oppression of women as if she was unaware that women are both producers and consumers of porn, and that the often niche porn (BDSM for example) that women produce is most at risk from the puritanical urges of our politicians.

I think I can speak from all my fellow participants when I say that we reject this view. The full and free expression of human sexuality is joyful and life enhancing.  And I emphasise free. This means consent at all times. Our choices are ours and ours alone. Politicians (and Julie Bindel) need to remember this too.

I hope you are able to support us. You can sponsor us here

Oh and huge thanks to the wonderful Coffee and Kink who had the idea and the energy to bring it about. You can follow her blog here

As for me I really can’t wait until July 1st.

 

 

DOCTOR

Your hands, Doctor,

healing hands that reassure

even with a cold touch, hands

that move my lips apart with latex

softness, a guerrilla in the jungle

parting leaves to spot the enemy.

Your hands, Doctor,

heavy hands that I remember as

your face remains veiled in smoke,

the hands that gave  me polio vaccine

like a secular Eucharist,  a pink blob on

a sugar lump placed gently on my tongue.

Your hands Doctor,

loving hands of my Doctor,

innocent of medicine but expert now in

my mature topography, hands that

probe my depths so that together

we may scale the heights.

Identity

This post arises from the happy coincidence of two books I have been reading recently, books which, at first sight, don’t seem to have much in common. The first is Maya Angelou’s “See How The Caged Bird Sings.” We discussed it this morning at the monthly Birmingham Feminist Book Club. Part of a wide-ranging discussion revolved around literature as a means of self understanding, this arising from Angelou’s won discussion in her book of what reading the classics of English literature, and especially, Shakespeare, meant to her, and how she was able, by engaging with the texts, to make sense of her own experience.

This was a concept that was made real for me a couple of years ago when I was a volunteer buddy for a Community Interest Company that worked with adults experiencing mental health difficulties, in particular by encouraging them to read literature and sharing their experiences. To get a flavour of what they did I was invited to attend one of the meetings. We were reading Rose Tremain’s novel The Road Home. The group consisted of people of varying ages, many of whom lived in considerable isolation, an isolation made worse by anxiety and phobias. Some of them only left the house for the weekly meeting in a local library. Most of them had little experience of serious reading. From the discussion, however, it became clear that the book was opening doors for them and all of them were able to use the text to make sense of their own lives, at the same times bringing their won experiences to bear in interpreting the text. As they talked they gave me new insights into the book. This experience was both illuminating and humbling.

These experiences and thoughts are particularly relevant to the other book I have been reading. This is an anthology called Identity, whose contributors all attended the recent Eroticon conference. I have to declare an interest. I was one of the contributors. But that is now why I am writing about it. The content is pretty eclectic, some of it personal reminiscence, and painful reminiscence at that, some of it fantasy, some of it opinion, some of it seriously hot, you know, the stuff you read one handed.  And then there was Meg-John Barker’s piece on erotic fiction as means of self understanding which got me reflecting again on my own identity, or in this case my sexual identity and what it means to me. This short essay was in my head as I read the other pieces and enriched my reading experience.  This really is as a wonderful anthology and I can’t recommend it highly enough.

Erotic fiction has changed my life. I really don’t know why, one day in 2012, I felt the urge tio write a story about a carer in a elderly person’s home who has a relationship with a gay man whose carer he is. Other stories followed. I went online, I set up a Twitter account, I read voraciously, I discovered Eroticon and became part of a community. And a new Eve emerged, an Eve who is kinky, bisexual, who is proud to know sex workers she can call friends, an Eve committed to the freeest possible expression of human sexuality (subject to consent). In short an Eve I could not have imagined even existed only 6 years ago. It is through erotic literature that I have discovered what was previously latent, and been able to articulate it.

The main protagonist of my first story was Eric, an Oxford graduate who had been jailed for “gross indecency” in the dark days before 1967 and who experienced late sexual joy with a younger man. I killed him off at the end as the younger man had to move on and make his own way as a gay man in a different age, but acutely aware of the debt gay men, indeed all of us who are in some way not heteronormative, owe to those who suffered for daring to be different. I made sure, however, that Eric died happy, at peace with himself. I knew then that I owed him that. I know now that I owe him much more.

He’s In Love With Rock’n’Roll Woah

This year seems to be quite big for anniversaries. I have probably heard enough about Sergeant Pepper and anyway always preferred Revolver. The 40th anniversary of the first Clash album passed yesterday with rather less fanfare but it is a milestone of its own particularly for those of us old enough to remember it (and buy it). A lot of the songs still stand up, fast, frenetic and angry. Career Opportunities is probably even more relevant in an age of zero hours contracts than it was when it was written. Those who don’t remember the 1970s may not know who the first song on Side One was about. When I listened to it first, aged 15, I remembered this story from three years earlier.

I remembered reading about the singer Janie Jones being jailed for 7 years in  1974 for “controlling prostitutes”. What this amounted to in practice was procuring sex workers for prominent people who wanted paid sex, in this case at parties she organised. In effect she was a middle woman putting sex workers in touch with clients. The press reported extensively on this, with no end of titillating detail. The News of the World printed lurid stories about Janie in  Holloway, and the pink silk sheets she allegedly had on her prison bunk. These stories were really the fetishisation of Janie as “caged woman”, and evidence, if any were needed, that this was a newspaper for wankers. In 1977 Janie herself was not long out of prison and, seeking to lie low for a bit, not thrilled to hear that a punk band had recorded a sing about her. That is, until she heard it. She apparently loved the song and later worked with the band.

Her case is another example of the prurience and hypocrisy that still surrounds sex and sexuality in this country. She was made an example of to protect the better connected people who had been guests at her sex parties. Her 7 year sentence was, by the standards of 1974, an era before the sentence inflation of the last two decades, incredibly harsh. The cycle of hypocrisy was: it happens but we pretend it doesn’t. If it becomes public we find a scapegoat and fetishise them for the benefit of the plebs who also have to sign up to the hypocrisy.

If attitudes to sex in 1974 were essentially infantile, we may ask if anything significant has changed. In recent years we have had the ATVOD rulings on the depiction of things like face sitting and squirting, all this from a body whose Chief Executive, according to those who have had direct dealings with him, knows an awful lot about BDSM practices for a man who thinks mature adults need to be protected from them. We now have the Digital Economy which will bring in its wake further chilling of sexual self-expression. And all the time we have the tireless and rather unholy alliance of religious fundamentalists and radical feminists who think that consensual sex with an exchange of money is “violence against women” and that sex workers need to be rescued, even if they don’t want to be. Thus we have the ludicrous spectacle of feminists trying to control the bodies of other, usually less privileged, women in the name of giving them bodily autonomy.

And, in 2017 no less than in 1974, it is women’s sexuality that is stigmatised, women’s bodies that need to be controlled. We should be angry. Just as The Clash were forty years ago.