“Pleasure is sweetest when ’tis paid for by another’s pain.” – Ovid
I remember the day I discovered I was a sadist, Saturday April 5th 2014 (7 years to the day as I write). I went to an afternoon spanking party at a local club, thinking I was a submissive. The host and house domme gave me the first spanking of the day which I quite enjoyed. As she left the chill out room with her next victim she turned to me and asked
“Would you like to help me?”
This question was so unexpected that I found myself in the dungeon strapping victim number two to the bench before I even had time to think. Seconds later the domme handed me a paddle and after a few words of advice I began to hit his white virginal backside. And I enjoyed it.
After playing as top or domme at a couple more events I changed my Fetlife profile to switch. A moth later it was domme. I had fond my vocation. In that summer of 2014 I played a lot, had several play partners and learnt a lot. I have a lot to be grateful to that house domme for. She actually left the scene a couple of years ago, and deleted her Fetlife profile and I never really had the opportunity to ask her why she had, on the spur of the moment, invited me to join her in administering a spanking. I broached the subject once and she was rather evasive. But, no matter, she set me off on a thrilling voyage of discovery.
So what do I most enjoy? Hearing squeals of pain as the blows land is enjoyable but building humiliation into the scene is what really floats my boat. To begin with it was small things, making the spankee count the strokes and thank me, kiss the implements of their suffering, a quiz with a difference with punishment strokes for wrong answers and so on.
These days I humiliate subs in a variety of ways and contexts, and I inflict pain in different ways. I am a sadist, I enjoy being a sadist but I am not always entirely comfortable with it. I suppose this is because, in general society, sadism is seen as being something morally wrong and even as a now experienced kinkster, I am not immune to these kid of judgements. There is another aspect to this. Sadism is intoxicating and discipline and self control are needed to play in ways that are both enjoyable for me and also safe and consensual.
And finally, after care. There is after care for my sub or bottom. And, equally important, self care for me. I learnt this a couple of yeas ago after a particularly intense four hour one to one session where I gave full rein to my sadisitic urges. This session had made huge demands on my sub. I failed to appreciate the emotional demands on me. It was three months before I was able to play again.
Sadism, as I have discovered over the last seven years, is not something to be taken lightly. In the words of the song it is something to “Handle with Care”
A post for Quote Quest Week 42 and also Kink of The Week. Click on the badges below to read more about the practice of pain.