Scratching the Itch to Switch

So what did I get up to on that Monday after Eroticon? I did something I hadn’t done for several years and booked a session with a pro domme. I did this for a number of reasons.  I wanted to explore the dynamic of submitting to a woman as a woman. I had previously played with submissive woman as a top but somehow it never quite worked for me. I had a number of mental blockages that stopped me getting into the headspace. I have always felt more comfortable dominating men. And yet I had watched women play in clubs and seen that the submission of a woman to a woman could be a thing of great beauty. I needed to see if that could work for me.

The other thig was that, reflecting on past experiences, I understood that I had never really experienced a deep subspace. Domspace yes, absolutely and my domming career has given me so massive highs but looking at the deep subspace that our play has sent my slave when a scene has gone really well, I understood that I had never experienced this. I began to question my own approach to submitting in a scene and think about what I was doing wrong that was preventing me from getting into a properly submissive headspace.

So this session was about scratching an itch and something in the way of an experiment. I did my research, sent a detailed e mail to the lady setting out what I was looking for and setting out limits and so on. This all sounds obvious, but I had never before done this I in such a structured and factual manner. That I was able to do this is itself a product of 5 years on the scene as (mainly) a dominant and a lot of play with a range of people. I know myself and I know what a prospective play partner needs by way of information.  We had a telephone conversation and I had a good feeling about the lady. We were, I felt, on the same kinky wavelength.

And so on to the session in the traditional discreet location, in this case in South London. The session worked for me. No subspace and I never felt even slightly out of my comfort zone (and I think being taken a little of your comfort zone is a part of a good submissive experience – it reminds you who is in charge) but this was a first meeting with someone who really knew nothing about me. We learnt a lot about each other, and I will see her again as I think there are good things to build on coming out of the session. Her domming style has also given me a few ideas.

Most importantly we liked each other, and this is massively important.   I did say I didn’t experience subspace. True but I did cry cathartic tears at the end, and she gave me good aftercare.

“Thank you, Mistress,” I said as I made to leave.

“Thank YOU, Mistress,” she replied and we both laughed.

We hugged and I left. I heard the door swing shut. I didn’t look back. But I know I will be knocking on that door again in a few months’ time.

EROTICON 2019 – A TALE IN FOUR DINNERS

Friday 15th March Holiday Inn Camden

On the first night it seemed easiest to eat in the bar at the hotel. So I took advantage of the St. Patrick’s Special, Irish stew with a pint of Guinness and a Jameson. I sat and ate with a lovely feeling of anticipation. Soon people began to arrive for the Meet and Greet. New faces, old faces and a couple of faces hadn’t see since Bristol days. It was particularly nice to see Kay Jaybee again and to meet the youngest attendee, the supercute Martha 3 month old daughter of Exhibit A and Livvy. I was starting to feel all broody but fortunately the Temptation Holidays goody bag included a little teddy bear.

Saturday 16th March Rosso Pomodoro Camden

On Saturday I dined alone. I needed to. I had missed out the final session of the day and gone back to my room to watch the rugby but also just to have some time on my own. I like to think of myself as a culinary woman of the world, ready to try anything but I can be crushingly conservative at times. I ordered the same as last year. Pizza Napoletana followed by rum baba.  All very enjoyable though. After a few hours on my own I was refuelled emotionally for the Saturday night social. It was good finally to have a proper conversation with Posy Churchgate and with Ros Ballinger, to curse the DUP with Clare aka Kowptain Moovel,  to talk about the horrors of putting mixers in malt whisky with Ian and Drew.

All this after a first day whose highlights were Elanor Janega on mediaeval sex, women are irrational and their sex drive like damp firewood apparently. Interestingly it was believed that a woman could not conceive if she didn’t orgasm, it was also believed that sex work was sinful but also socially necessary so that exiting sex workers had a route back into society, not something they can always count on today.  The session on consent was also very good even if it did involve reading 4 pages of 50 Shades. I mean, they had told me the writing was bad but this…… at least now I now that orange juice is refreshing! Coffee and Kink made an impressive presenting debut giving us the low down on sex toy reviewing and Jerusalem Mortimer showed us a 21,000 year old rope bondage secene.

A stimulating day and I was looking forward to tomorrow. But I needed a short time out.

Sunday 17th March Poppies Fish and Chips Camden

Sunday dinner was an unexpected delight. I hadn’t really made any plans but we all drifted back to the bar at the Holiday Inn and I found myself chatting to Bianca of Helen’s Toy Box who was very keen to have fish and chips before returning to Australia. Not knowing anywhere we asked and learned about Poppies, a vintage themed fish and chip restaurant just a few hundred yards from the hotel. Going out with Bianca was a humbling experience in a good way. I had never actually been the eyes for a sightless person before and never had to think about striking the balance between giving her the assistance she needed and not doing too much, or infantilising her.  I saw too the way that street furniture and signs outside bars and restaurants turn the pavement into an obstacle course for people with any kind of disability. The casual rudeness of people standing around blocking the pavement who had to be asked to move so that we could get by was disappointing too.  We both ordered haddock and chips with mushy peas, a bit pricy even for London {and the large haddock wasn’t that large!) but it was enjoyable. And I loved the ambience. My records kitty was just the outfit for the occasion, even if I spilt mushy peas down it!

I reflected on the day. I began with Candy Snatch’s account of the appalling online bullying she experienced, a reminder that the things we all do and love carry stigma and that those who choose to, or need to, blog and write pseudonymously, live with the constant fear of outing. And so on to Come Casual who gave an entertaining run through their YouTube channel and the awesome content they produce. After lunch, I did something I never thought I would do and voluntarily missed a session with Myles Jackman to go to hear Eleanor Janega again. I didn’t regret it.  She is a speaker of incredible charisma and presence and I love her deep voice (and told her as much). She has helped rid me of a major complex. And she has a great knack of tying her discussion of mediaeval views of sexuality back to the present. For example, today’s talk about the objectification of sex began with a discussion of the Incel movement.

Finally, I went to Girl on the Net’s talk about building traffic. This made me wish I had more time to blog and while it is good to post regularly, time and metal health don’t always permit it. I am also conscious of the need not to post for the sake of posting. This is my blog and I can write what I like and some things will inevitably be better than others.  It is a place where I can experiment.   The main lesson for me was that I need to get more tech savvy.  Much of the talk was simply over my head but not I noticed the heads of others in the room. I still have no idea what SEO is, or Jetpack (mentioned in connection with WordPress) or a host of other things. I know that I need to find out.

After fish and chips we returned to the Holiday Inn where many people were still delaying as much as they could, the moment of final departure. I didn’t need to worry. I was staying in London another day.

What I have taken from Eroticon 2019? Two things really. Firstly, body positivity (of which more to come). It was really affirming to take part in the Boobday photoshoot and I discussed with Exposing 40 the possibility of doing a shoot with her later this year.    Secondly, the more mundane stuff of getting up to speed on the technical side of blogging.

Goodbyes were said, and I will catch up with a few people in Belfast, London, Manchester  and places before Eroticon happens again. There will be Smutathon, there will be Kinkfest  and there will be a pub lunch with Eye although not at the pub we had always talked about going to, which we agreed is a massive let down.

Monday 18th March The Great Nepalese Euston

All my best trips to London finish here. Not strictly the Eroticon weekend any more but I was so glad I stayed over on the Sunday night and had a day in London. What I got up to will be the subject of a future post. Suffice it left me with a deep feeling of peace and well-being. I sat in the restaurant with a large Malbec as I waited for my vegetable curry and felt utterly at peace with myself, felt a calmness and serenity I hadn’t known in years. I also made an important decision over the weekend and this will also be the subject of a future post. A few Eroticon peeps know what this is because I shared it with them. As I tucked into my vegetable jeera I reflected on how wonderful it is to be part of the Eroticon family, how lovely to know that I am loved by talented sexy people who I hold in the highest regard. I love you too. And to those who were there  but who I didn’t get to speak to or who don’t know me, thank you for being there, because you also made this happen. We all did and I just can’t wait to do it all again.

 

 

See Emily Play

One day I knew I would. On that day she would play with me. I would join her in the bath over the edge of which she dangled a booted leg. I would take a deep breath, dive into the scented depths and feel her pubic hair, velvet against my face. I would lick her, tongue her, before coming up for air. Then I would run my fingers over the exuberant flowers of her sleeve tattoo, kiss her and take her under with me. When we surfaced, I would take a sponge and wash her and this would be the most sensual of all, to push the sponge against her back, squeeze until the water ran in rivulets down her skin. Then I would rub her down, quickly, slowly, quickly, remembering each inch, the shades of her skin, the blemishes, the undulating highway of her spine, absorbing it all for the future. I was a cartographer of lust, even as I lay and fantasised.
I promised Emily that, come the day, she would be the first to fuck me. I am into men, sure, I love cock more than most things, and putting a length in my mouth, feeling it harden as I worked the bellend with my tongue, swallowing the warm ejaculation, was one of life’s greater pleasures. But to be penetrated by a cock? That would surely come, and I had a few volunteers to be the first. But I really want Emily, dream of a mutual fucking with a double-ended dildo. Or maybe not. I want her with the strap on, holding my wrists as she comes down, feeling my fear and feasting on it. Then I want it hard, hard.
“This time” she will say “You will know you’ve been fucked. ”
The next time her lover, the one I have cut out of the main picture will be there. They will both have strap-ons, they will spit roast me, and when I am spent I will be made to watch them making love, not roughly as they have treated me but gently, watch them kiss, watch them finger each other.
And if we can’t do that, she will plunge a wand down on my brand-new clit and bring me quickly to orgasm. Or maybe I will do it myself, imagine she is there with me. That time will come, a year and painful surgery away. It will come. For now, I say good night to Emily, put her back in the drawer, Emily and the dark-haired lover whose name I do not know and masturbate to completion as I surf the crested waves of my still too large bed.

This is a little story for Masturbation Monday. You can find links to more stories to get yoir juices flowing here

 

Masturbation Monday

 

Sharing Our Shit Saturday 9th March

This week I have been reading thigs that were hot and things that were thought provoking. I will start with the latter. Here are a few reflections by Coffee and Kink on friendship and some of the difficulties that those of us who are into BDSM, or blog about sex or whatever, can have in connecting with people when our lives are necessarily compartmentalised  and we can’t be really ourselves with everyone. This is now actually less of a problem for me. For one thing boundaries have been blurred by, for example, people I originally met on the kink scene turning up (in a totally good way) in my vanilla life. There is also my age. I have decided that I really don’t give a ……. what people think of me and am quite open with most people about who I am.  But this, I understand, may not be an option for everyone.  And it is totally liberating to be with people you can talk about the important stuff with, one reason why I am so looking to Eroticon next weekend.

Which leads onto Emmeline Peaches’ reflections on International Women’s Day and being a sex positive woman and writer and on being herself and proud of it. I spent last night out drinking with a diverse group of women, straight, bi, queer, of different ages (all younger than me though!) but all amazing people I am proud to call friends. I found it totally affirming and Emmeline’s piece really spoke to me.

This week saw the start of the 2019 Euphoff  for deliberately bad erotica and I posted my entry here. I guess there will be many more equally cringe-inducing pieces to come by the end of the month and you can find links to them here as well as details of how to enter. Do have a go. It is fun and a liberating experience because if what you write is rubbish, well, that is the whole point isn’t it?

I guess I am not alone in spending ages getting ready. And, to be honest, I enjoy taking my time, sipping a gun and tonic as I ponder the key questions, what eyeshadow, what lipstick will go best with my dress,  wondering whether I will finally get my eyeliner right this time? There are, of course, other ways of getting ready as this piece of flash fiction by Jayne Renault shows.

And finally, back to chastity which is kind of where I started last week’s roundup. I enjoyed this guest post on Girl on the Net’s blog.

If you have enjoyed these as much as I have then why not follow a few links and see what else you can find and maybe spend a few hours down the rabbit hole of smut?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

This is my entry for the Euphoff competition for deliberately bad erotica. I hope you find it as dreadful as I do. For more awfulness have a look here

If your love sausage performed, if your manmeat assuaged her voracious sexual appetite, Tiffany would invite you to stay the night and cook her breakfast, a feast of bacon and eggs and black puddings that broke through the skin like monstrous bellends, and, of course, sausage. I stood at the cooker, my rising member pushing hard against the knobs, in a throb of anticipation. ,

“One sausage or two?” I asked Tiffany as the fat in the frying pan began to spit.

“Only one “she said, dropping to her knees before me, “the love sausage I enjoyed so much last night. She parted my dressing gown and took the hanging meat my manhood into her marvellous mouth. My shaft of satisfaction swelled in the voluptuous currents of her mouth.

I grew hard as she licked at the lollipop of delight, sucked at the sherbet fountain of sensuality and said

“I want you inside me again, I want your meat in the cavern of delights that is my vagina, I want that manly mayonnaise swimming up to my egg.  And then who knows?”

“You want to make a baby?”

I had hardly dared hope for this but she dashed my rising dreams of fatherhood.

“Next time maybe, but not today. That fucking app. That fucking useless app.. I’ve come on and I’m early. But so what? There’s fun to be had this way too!   I am so horny!  I want you, want to bathe your love sausage in my sensual sauces.”

She took me in her mouth again, made me hard, then pushed the bulging Bratwurst of my loins into her womancave. She gasped as she came and I withdrew, saw my proud pole of pleasure, a love sausage seasoned in the consummate ketchup of her endometrial effusion.

I went back to the cooker, cracked two eggs into the pan of sizzling fat.

“Black pudding too Tiff?”

Badge for EuphOff competition showing a coffee bean

 

SoS Saturday

It’s been a while since I posted anything for this but with Eroticon just 13 sleeps away  I want to highlight some interesting posts by Eroticon friends.

First off is this by Exhibit A who is undertaking an orgasm denial challenge. This is a little bit different from the BDSM orgasm denial which I enjoy as a domme so much (particularly when combine with forced masturbation) but I am looking forward to the denouement at Eroticon. I love watching men wank.

The Other Livvy is having a fab time teasing and has also found time to post some fab pics in the Feb Photo Fest of which my favourite is this. I need to get back to wax play soon I think!

As a lady of mature years myself, I find the total amazingness and sexiness of Eye an inspiration. And here I one of many pics I have loved recently.

I know that many members of our community have battled with mental health difficulties (as I have) and found this by Tabitha Rayne a thought provoking read.

And finally I love a bit of lingerie which is why I will be paying a visit to  What Kate Did at some point during the Eroticon weekend. But I would never have thought of teaming pink panties with white cowboy boots as Posy Churchgate does here.

If you have enjoyed these posts please share them. And I will be back next week with more suggestions of things you might enjoy.