The title of this post is, of course, ironic. I write about sex work issues from time to time and am asked on occasions what I know about it. The answer is not as much as many other people who write in defence of sex workers’ rights but, I suspect, more than a lot of those who post from the other side. I have never been a sex worker, although I have a good friend who works as a dominatrix, but I have been a client. For some this makes me an incarnation of evil, accessory to trafficking etc. etc. I just want to say a little about my experience and the impressions it left me with.
A few years ago I was working away from home on an interim contract, in Manchester to be precise. I loved my time there. It is a city with a vibrancy I find rather lacking in Birmingham where I live. Every other week my partner took time off work and came to visit. We had great sex, somehow being in another city, in the impersonality of a hotel room took us out of ourselves and encouraged us to try new things. In short we were uninhibited.
Then, for my birthday we decided to do something we had often discussed and booked a girl from a local escort agency for some three in a bed fun. I felt nervous but once the girl arrived and the money had been handed over I relaxed. She was friendly and chatty and put us at our ease. As she slipped into something more comfortable, we slipped into ……nothing and the fun began. I quickly relaxed and found an enjoyment I had not known in being kissed and touched by a woman. I felt an incredible high after she had gone.
Some months later we repeated the experience with a different girl. A longer booking this time as my partner wanted to explore his cross dressing urges. I dressed him ,made him up and together with the escort we walked the short distance to the safety of the gay quarter for a drink. He had been very nervous as we walked through hotel reception and into the street, where he felt very vulnerable but we placed him between us, put our arms round him to give him assurance. We would look after him, keep him safe. It was a wonderful moment of trust, a giving of himself. Back in the hotel room he remained dressed and gave himself to both of us in turn. It was another beautiful moment.
You may ask why we had to pay to do this. Surely we could have found someone to play with us? Yes but that would have taken time, involved getting to know the person and possible emotional entanglements To pay someone was easier on both counts. Both the escorts we saw opened doors for us, helped us to explore our sexuality. Apart from that we enjoyed their company and they, I hope, enjoyed ours.
So I am a sex worker’s client. I do not regret it one bit. The girls we saw were bright and attractive and fully aware of what they were doing. Everything we did was discussed beforehand and a price agreed. We paid them well and they provided us with what we wanted. It was, in other words, a business transaction of benefit to both parties. No coercion, no exploitation, no rape. There are those who would make what we did a criminal offence. I would have a criminal record and the girls would be forced underground and exposed to the dangers of real criminals. So I say thanks again to Christina and Alex and I promise I will continue to do my little bit to defend your and other sex workers’ rights. .