The Joy of Chastity

Enforced sexual abstinence as a tool of control has a long history. Religious orders control their members and school them in obedience by enforcing control over their bodies. As a teenager I was deeply confused and once longed to be a nun.  Chastity and the life of an institution seemed a refuge from my sexuality. I still find the idea of being a nun deeply exciting. I became a catholic at the age of 17 and subjected myself regularly to the humiliating ordeal of the confessional. I did seemingly endless penance for having impure thoughts, for masturbating, for falling in love with the Head Girl. I repressed my sexuality in prayer, in devotional reading. I have not fully turned my back on religion. Catholicism is  a beautiful religion and receiving the Eucharist (Catholics believe that the wafer after consecration by the priest IS the Body and Blood of Christ) I still find a deeply erotic experience. And there is the problem. The more you deny your sexuality the more the power of the sexual impulse makes itself felt.

It is not only religion that imposes chastity. In many countries prisoners are denied sexual self-expression, even forced to sleep with their hands outside the blankets so that  guards can check they are not pleasuring themselves.

Enforced chastity has two main purposes. It is a method of self-denial in pursuit of a higher, spiritual goal. It is also a tool of humiliation reinforcing the institution’s control over the body that is represented by incarceration. What these have in common is chastity as a feature of life in a monosexual and usually closed institution. This is a difference from the chastity imposed by a Mistress on a sub. It is however a means of extending her control outside the session into the sub’s daily life. This kind of enforced chastity combines the two elements. It is a means of humiliating and emasculating the sub but through that a means by which he is freed to show his Mistress greater devotion. For many submissives this self abandonment, this laying down of the burdens of ego has an almost religious dimension. Their Mistress is in their heads, she is the super-ego that polices their thoughts and actions. Obedience is its own reward.

This is a paradox. It is through discipline and obedience that the sub becomes free, through denying his or her sexuality that he or she finds its richest expression.

It was through the rigours of Catholicism that I came to understand the role of sex in my life and it was through sex that I understood I cannot live without my faith. I cannot follow the teachings on morality any more they make no sense but the element of eroticism  the physicality, I still need and always will. This is the paradox at the heart of my being. I would have it no other way.

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